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Sunday, April 5, 2009
REJECTED
I have been stood up once before. A guy from my work took me out to dinner and gambling, and at that time it had been one of the nicest dates I had ever been on. We had made plans to go to the tracks one Saturday afternoon shortly there after.
I had not heard from this guy for a few days prior to our scheduled date. One evening in the week I received a call from a man we mutually knew. This man was at the bar that my date worked at and wanted to know what I was getting into that night. After a few minutes of chat, he suddenly said, "Hey Patrick wants me to tell you that he can't take you on Saturday because he has to watch the UK game."
I thought that was the pinnacle of my dating disasters until this most recent date that I discussed in the previous blog.
The date I had planned for this past week never showed up. He messaged me at 6:50pm saying he was leaving his house in 10 to 15 minutes and would see me soon. I never heard from him. The next morning I woke up to an offline message from his account stating that it was a friend messaging me and that my date had been killed the night before from being shot. I was completely shocked and upset, but as the discussion went on and I watched the news for the next two days I have decided that there is something not right with this story. Whoever I talked with on the messenger that morning never called like he said he would and I have yet to ever hear anything from my date or anything on the news about it.
This made me reaffirm certain notions I have built regarding men and the dating scene. I hold the belief that men are guilty until proven innocent. Call it cynical, jaded whatever you want, but there are so many messed up guys out there that it is hard to initially tell which ones they are. I had been talking with this person for almost a year on and off and never one time did I feel as though I was being played or he was being dishonest. I have looked back conversations and different things he said that should have sent up red flags and noticed some things that were shaky, but still I do not understand what goes through people's mind. With keeping this philosophy about guys I have been able to not be caught completely off guard when guys do such utterly ridiculous things such as this previous guy did to me.
As always I will keep on going through life and have fun....another opportunity as risen up that I will discuss in a later blog.
I had not heard from this guy for a few days prior to our scheduled date. One evening in the week I received a call from a man we mutually knew. This man was at the bar that my date worked at and wanted to know what I was getting into that night. After a few minutes of chat, he suddenly said, "Hey Patrick wants me to tell you that he can't take you on Saturday because he has to watch the UK game."
I thought that was the pinnacle of my dating disasters until this most recent date that I discussed in the previous blog.
The date I had planned for this past week never showed up. He messaged me at 6:50pm saying he was leaving his house in 10 to 15 minutes and would see me soon. I never heard from him. The next morning I woke up to an offline message from his account stating that it was a friend messaging me and that my date had been killed the night before from being shot. I was completely shocked and upset, but as the discussion went on and I watched the news for the next two days I have decided that there is something not right with this story. Whoever I talked with on the messenger that morning never called like he said he would and I have yet to ever hear anything from my date or anything on the news about it.
This made me reaffirm certain notions I have built regarding men and the dating scene. I hold the belief that men are guilty until proven innocent. Call it cynical, jaded whatever you want, but there are so many messed up guys out there that it is hard to initially tell which ones they are. I had been talking with this person for almost a year on and off and never one time did I feel as though I was being played or he was being dishonest. I have looked back conversations and different things he said that should have sent up red flags and noticed some things that were shaky, but still I do not understand what goes through people's mind. With keeping this philosophy about guys I have been able to not be caught completely off guard when guys do such utterly ridiculous things such as this previous guy did to me.
As always I will keep on going through life and have fun....another opportunity as risen up that I will discuss in a later blog.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Online Dating
Online dating is awesome.
You get to browse thousands of people that are narrowed down to your preferences.
It will not take to long to find someone who comes across half way decent person to talk with.
Many people are weary about online dating, but I think if you look for certain cues and ask the right questions you have the potential to find great people. (I met one guy about two years ago who is one of my good friends and who through I met a whole lot of good friends.)
Certain things I do when I check out profiles is read their profile. If things that are instant turn offs for me are in their profile such as bad habits like smoking then I do not talk to them. I also look for grammar. Grammar is a huge thing for me because it says something about the person's intellect and how they speak tells about their personality. People that type like "wuz" or other type things I just cannot appreciate. You have this one profile to represent yourself to millions of people and that is what you chose to say?! There also needs to be some kind of "meat" to their profile. People that just type "want to know then just ask" are not very appealing. Why not take the time to write something about yourself for people to get at least quick snap shot of who you are.
Things that are not necessarily make it or break type things are religious/poitical views and if they have children. Some people are turned off to those but for me it kind of depends on the person so that doesn't deter me.
I know that appearances are not everything, but the type of pictures that are posted are important. If you post some kind of sleezy picture then you must be wanting to attract or talk with sleezy people. Pictures of someone flipping off the camera or only pictures of their material possessions are both equally not appealing.
Once you get into conversation with someone I look for someone who is able to actively engage in a conversation. Just as if you meet someone in the hallway at work or school they should be able to answer questions and then ask questions at well. Since in this medium you are unable to use body language such as eye contact and posture then if you are wanting to show interest you need to engage in the conversation. One worded or two sentence responses are not giving the other person much to go with. Again in the conversation, grammar and spelling play a factor. Now I do not expect people to have perfect English grammar and puncuation but at least make an effort and spell words not in ebonics or anything else. Another key component in discerning if someone is worth talking to is how they address you or how they attempt to get your attention. If someone messages you and says "Hey gurl ur hot" that is not essentially something you want to respond to. Would any decent person respond to a statement such as this in the face to face world?
(I am not trying to knock people who do find these type of people I am describing in a negative light appealing, this is my opinion and any other similar minded people.)
Again, since with this medium you cannot see a person's body language to judge their intention with their initial conversation with you, then people who do try cheesy lines or other similiar methods of introduction I do respond and see where they are going. If they continue to be ridiculous...move on...if not well then maybe you found someone decent....
Anyway, where am I going with this? Well I am about to meet someone face to face that I have met on the internet over a year ago this week. I am a bit nervous because after so long I think there is a comfort built with having that person there in the cyber world. Anytime I've needed to vent or sit and chat there he is on the comp...it is kind of hard to explain what I am trying to say but if you have been in a similar situation then you would understand that taking that person out of that context makes one feel hesitant. We will see how things go though.
But, if you have not looked into online sites then I urge you too. Online dating is one of the top methods of meeting people and with the way technology is going then who knows it might become number one some day in the future.
You get to browse thousands of people that are narrowed down to your preferences.
It will not take to long to find someone who comes across half way decent person to talk with.
Many people are weary about online dating, but I think if you look for certain cues and ask the right questions you have the potential to find great people. (I met one guy about two years ago who is one of my good friends and who through I met a whole lot of good friends.)
Certain things I do when I check out profiles is read their profile. If things that are instant turn offs for me are in their profile such as bad habits like smoking then I do not talk to them. I also look for grammar. Grammar is a huge thing for me because it says something about the person's intellect and how they speak tells about their personality. People that type like "wuz" or other type things I just cannot appreciate. You have this one profile to represent yourself to millions of people and that is what you chose to say?! There also needs to be some kind of "meat" to their profile. People that just type "want to know then just ask" are not very appealing. Why not take the time to write something about yourself for people to get at least quick snap shot of who you are.
Things that are not necessarily make it or break type things are religious/poitical views and if they have children. Some people are turned off to those but for me it kind of depends on the person so that doesn't deter me.
I know that appearances are not everything, but the type of pictures that are posted are important. If you post some kind of sleezy picture then you must be wanting to attract or talk with sleezy people. Pictures of someone flipping off the camera or only pictures of their material possessions are both equally not appealing.
Once you get into conversation with someone I look for someone who is able to actively engage in a conversation. Just as if you meet someone in the hallway at work or school they should be able to answer questions and then ask questions at well. Since in this medium you are unable to use body language such as eye contact and posture then if you are wanting to show interest you need to engage in the conversation. One worded or two sentence responses are not giving the other person much to go with. Again in the conversation, grammar and spelling play a factor. Now I do not expect people to have perfect English grammar and puncuation but at least make an effort and spell words not in ebonics or anything else. Another key component in discerning if someone is worth talking to is how they address you or how they attempt to get your attention. If someone messages you and says "Hey gurl ur hot" that is not essentially something you want to respond to. Would any decent person respond to a statement such as this in the face to face world?
(I am not trying to knock people who do find these type of people I am describing in a negative light appealing, this is my opinion and any other similar minded people.)
Again, since with this medium you cannot see a person's body language to judge their intention with their initial conversation with you, then people who do try cheesy lines or other similiar methods of introduction I do respond and see where they are going. If they continue to be ridiculous...move on...if not well then maybe you found someone decent....
Anyway, where am I going with this? Well I am about to meet someone face to face that I have met on the internet over a year ago this week. I am a bit nervous because after so long I think there is a comfort built with having that person there in the cyber world. Anytime I've needed to vent or sit and chat there he is on the comp...it is kind of hard to explain what I am trying to say but if you have been in a similar situation then you would understand that taking that person out of that context makes one feel hesitant. We will see how things go though.
But, if you have not looked into online sites then I urge you too. Online dating is one of the top methods of meeting people and with the way technology is going then who knows it might become number one some day in the future.
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