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Sunday, April 5, 2009
REJECTED
I have been stood up once before. A guy from my work took me out to dinner and gambling, and at that time it had been one of the nicest dates I had ever been on. We had made plans to go to the tracks one Saturday afternoon shortly there after.
I had not heard from this guy for a few days prior to our scheduled date. One evening in the week I received a call from a man we mutually knew. This man was at the bar that my date worked at and wanted to know what I was getting into that night. After a few minutes of chat, he suddenly said, "Hey Patrick wants me to tell you that he can't take you on Saturday because he has to watch the UK game."
I thought that was the pinnacle of my dating disasters until this most recent date that I discussed in the previous blog.
The date I had planned for this past week never showed up. He messaged me at 6:50pm saying he was leaving his house in 10 to 15 minutes and would see me soon. I never heard from him. The next morning I woke up to an offline message from his account stating that it was a friend messaging me and that my date had been killed the night before from being shot. I was completely shocked and upset, but as the discussion went on and I watched the news for the next two days I have decided that there is something not right with this story. Whoever I talked with on the messenger that morning never called like he said he would and I have yet to ever hear anything from my date or anything on the news about it.
This made me reaffirm certain notions I have built regarding men and the dating scene. I hold the belief that men are guilty until proven innocent. Call it cynical, jaded whatever you want, but there are so many messed up guys out there that it is hard to initially tell which ones they are. I had been talking with this person for almost a year on and off and never one time did I feel as though I was being played or he was being dishonest. I have looked back conversations and different things he said that should have sent up red flags and noticed some things that were shaky, but still I do not understand what goes through people's mind. With keeping this philosophy about guys I have been able to not be caught completely off guard when guys do such utterly ridiculous things such as this previous guy did to me.
As always I will keep on going through life and have fun....another opportunity as risen up that I will discuss in a later blog.
I had not heard from this guy for a few days prior to our scheduled date. One evening in the week I received a call from a man we mutually knew. This man was at the bar that my date worked at and wanted to know what I was getting into that night. After a few minutes of chat, he suddenly said, "Hey Patrick wants me to tell you that he can't take you on Saturday because he has to watch the UK game."
I thought that was the pinnacle of my dating disasters until this most recent date that I discussed in the previous blog.
The date I had planned for this past week never showed up. He messaged me at 6:50pm saying he was leaving his house in 10 to 15 minutes and would see me soon. I never heard from him. The next morning I woke up to an offline message from his account stating that it was a friend messaging me and that my date had been killed the night before from being shot. I was completely shocked and upset, but as the discussion went on and I watched the news for the next two days I have decided that there is something not right with this story. Whoever I talked with on the messenger that morning never called like he said he would and I have yet to ever hear anything from my date or anything on the news about it.
This made me reaffirm certain notions I have built regarding men and the dating scene. I hold the belief that men are guilty until proven innocent. Call it cynical, jaded whatever you want, but there are so many messed up guys out there that it is hard to initially tell which ones they are. I had been talking with this person for almost a year on and off and never one time did I feel as though I was being played or he was being dishonest. I have looked back conversations and different things he said that should have sent up red flags and noticed some things that were shaky, but still I do not understand what goes through people's mind. With keeping this philosophy about guys I have been able to not be caught completely off guard when guys do such utterly ridiculous things such as this previous guy did to me.
As always I will keep on going through life and have fun....another opportunity as risen up that I will discuss in a later blog.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Online Dating
Online dating is awesome.
You get to browse thousands of people that are narrowed down to your preferences.
It will not take to long to find someone who comes across half way decent person to talk with.
Many people are weary about online dating, but I think if you look for certain cues and ask the right questions you have the potential to find great people. (I met one guy about two years ago who is one of my good friends and who through I met a whole lot of good friends.)
Certain things I do when I check out profiles is read their profile. If things that are instant turn offs for me are in their profile such as bad habits like smoking then I do not talk to them. I also look for grammar. Grammar is a huge thing for me because it says something about the person's intellect and how they speak tells about their personality. People that type like "wuz" or other type things I just cannot appreciate. You have this one profile to represent yourself to millions of people and that is what you chose to say?! There also needs to be some kind of "meat" to their profile. People that just type "want to know then just ask" are not very appealing. Why not take the time to write something about yourself for people to get at least quick snap shot of who you are.
Things that are not necessarily make it or break type things are religious/poitical views and if they have children. Some people are turned off to those but for me it kind of depends on the person so that doesn't deter me.
I know that appearances are not everything, but the type of pictures that are posted are important. If you post some kind of sleezy picture then you must be wanting to attract or talk with sleezy people. Pictures of someone flipping off the camera or only pictures of their material possessions are both equally not appealing.
Once you get into conversation with someone I look for someone who is able to actively engage in a conversation. Just as if you meet someone in the hallway at work or school they should be able to answer questions and then ask questions at well. Since in this medium you are unable to use body language such as eye contact and posture then if you are wanting to show interest you need to engage in the conversation. One worded or two sentence responses are not giving the other person much to go with. Again in the conversation, grammar and spelling play a factor. Now I do not expect people to have perfect English grammar and puncuation but at least make an effort and spell words not in ebonics or anything else. Another key component in discerning if someone is worth talking to is how they address you or how they attempt to get your attention. If someone messages you and says "Hey gurl ur hot" that is not essentially something you want to respond to. Would any decent person respond to a statement such as this in the face to face world?
(I am not trying to knock people who do find these type of people I am describing in a negative light appealing, this is my opinion and any other similar minded people.)
Again, since with this medium you cannot see a person's body language to judge their intention with their initial conversation with you, then people who do try cheesy lines or other similiar methods of introduction I do respond and see where they are going. If they continue to be ridiculous...move on...if not well then maybe you found someone decent....
Anyway, where am I going with this? Well I am about to meet someone face to face that I have met on the internet over a year ago this week. I am a bit nervous because after so long I think there is a comfort built with having that person there in the cyber world. Anytime I've needed to vent or sit and chat there he is on the comp...it is kind of hard to explain what I am trying to say but if you have been in a similar situation then you would understand that taking that person out of that context makes one feel hesitant. We will see how things go though.
But, if you have not looked into online sites then I urge you too. Online dating is one of the top methods of meeting people and with the way technology is going then who knows it might become number one some day in the future.
You get to browse thousands of people that are narrowed down to your preferences.
It will not take to long to find someone who comes across half way decent person to talk with.
Many people are weary about online dating, but I think if you look for certain cues and ask the right questions you have the potential to find great people. (I met one guy about two years ago who is one of my good friends and who through I met a whole lot of good friends.)
Certain things I do when I check out profiles is read their profile. If things that are instant turn offs for me are in their profile such as bad habits like smoking then I do not talk to them. I also look for grammar. Grammar is a huge thing for me because it says something about the person's intellect and how they speak tells about their personality. People that type like "wuz" or other type things I just cannot appreciate. You have this one profile to represent yourself to millions of people and that is what you chose to say?! There also needs to be some kind of "meat" to their profile. People that just type "want to know then just ask" are not very appealing. Why not take the time to write something about yourself for people to get at least quick snap shot of who you are.
Things that are not necessarily make it or break type things are religious/poitical views and if they have children. Some people are turned off to those but for me it kind of depends on the person so that doesn't deter me.
I know that appearances are not everything, but the type of pictures that are posted are important. If you post some kind of sleezy picture then you must be wanting to attract or talk with sleezy people. Pictures of someone flipping off the camera or only pictures of their material possessions are both equally not appealing.
Once you get into conversation with someone I look for someone who is able to actively engage in a conversation. Just as if you meet someone in the hallway at work or school they should be able to answer questions and then ask questions at well. Since in this medium you are unable to use body language such as eye contact and posture then if you are wanting to show interest you need to engage in the conversation. One worded or two sentence responses are not giving the other person much to go with. Again in the conversation, grammar and spelling play a factor. Now I do not expect people to have perfect English grammar and puncuation but at least make an effort and spell words not in ebonics or anything else. Another key component in discerning if someone is worth talking to is how they address you or how they attempt to get your attention. If someone messages you and says "Hey gurl ur hot" that is not essentially something you want to respond to. Would any decent person respond to a statement such as this in the face to face world?
(I am not trying to knock people who do find these type of people I am describing in a negative light appealing, this is my opinion and any other similar minded people.)
Again, since with this medium you cannot see a person's body language to judge their intention with their initial conversation with you, then people who do try cheesy lines or other similiar methods of introduction I do respond and see where they are going. If they continue to be ridiculous...move on...if not well then maybe you found someone decent....
Anyway, where am I going with this? Well I am about to meet someone face to face that I have met on the internet over a year ago this week. I am a bit nervous because after so long I think there is a comfort built with having that person there in the cyber world. Anytime I've needed to vent or sit and chat there he is on the comp...it is kind of hard to explain what I am trying to say but if you have been in a similar situation then you would understand that taking that person out of that context makes one feel hesitant. We will see how things go though.
But, if you have not looked into online sites then I urge you too. Online dating is one of the top methods of meeting people and with the way technology is going then who knows it might become number one some day in the future.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Seize every opportunity
I had a moment last night where I saw an opportunity and I seized it. Experiencing a moment right when it happens is an exhilarating feeling. There were many things going on through my mind as I embraced the moment for what it was, and when it was over I was neither happy nor sad but completely content because I lived life right at that moment.
I am going to take this experience with me to different aspects in my life. Never again do I want to let moments, little or big, pass me by without knowing that I took it for all that it was worth.
I think all people need to have this mentality because you never know when moments will stop coming your way and then what are you going to do.
I am going to take this experience with me to different aspects in my life. Never again do I want to let moments, little or big, pass me by without knowing that I took it for all that it was worth.
I think all people need to have this mentality because you never know when moments will stop coming your way and then what are you going to do.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Putting Myself Out There
So you want to get a date but don't know how to go about meeting new people? Do what I did and get yourself a page spread in the Velocity Weekly.
First clarification- Velocity is a free weekly newspaper distributed around the Kentuckiana area. For those of you in class reading this if you ever want to check the paper out there is a stand out in front of the clock tower next to the bus stop station.
Anyway so a friend of mine in one of my classes is a writer for the Velocity. He walks up to me about a week or so before Valentine's Day and said, "Hey, you are single right?" I reply with a yes. He says, "Want to be in the Velocity?" I reply with a "Well hell yea!" I also let him know that I have been in the Velocity before a few times but only in the Party Crasher section. That is a section where some of their photographers go around town for various reasons and take pictures of people out partying or hanging out or what not.
So he gave me the low down what the article was going to be about and sent me on my way. They were spotlighting six people who were single on Valentine's Day this year and letting them talk about themselves and what not.
The most fun part was going to Proof on Main in Downtown Louisville and have a mini photoshoot. A girl must say having all the attention on her for a solid thirty minutes while the restaurant workers all stand around staring at you is pretty exciting.
Tomorrow a new Velocity will come out and my 15 minutes of fame will be over...but it has been an awesome time this week reading responses from random people in Louisville and having my friends all say how shocked they were when they opened the first page and saw me smiling back at them.
My advice to all: get yourself 15 minutes of fame...it is a definite self esteem booster :)!
How dare you try to steal our tears?
I have a friend who met this guy this past summer. She fell head over heels for him and they were immediately on the fast track to being a serious relationship.
He did all the right things in her book. He was affectionate, he got along with her friends, and he liked to take her out. When things got bad between her and her roommate he stepped in and acted like the big bad boyfriend to protect her. Not to long into their relationship when things got worst with her roommate and she was already spending every waking hour at his house they decided it would be best if she just moved in. She didn't mind at the time that he already had other roommates and lived in a complete bachelor pad.
Things were great...I think...I never really hung out with her while she was with him. She would call every now and then, but mainly she only did things with him and had to run things by him before she would commit on any plans we wanted to include her in on. Soooo annoying.
Well things eventually went south and he broke up with her. He was wishy washy at first about things after their initial talk, but eventually when they sat down again he laid it down straight that he did not want to be with her.
What else more does one woman need to hear from a man to get it through their head that he doesn't want her? How many times does a man need to act like a complete idiot for a woman to realize that he is not even worth her time?
He didn't text or call her on Valentine's Day....she seemed upset about this. I asked her why they hell would he want to do that and why the hell would she want him to do that? I mean didn't he just tell her the other day that he didn't want to be with her anymore? Shortly after she told me she looks on his facebook page and notices that some girl he knows that she was suspicious about is now single and has written something on his page.
She then proceeds into my bathroom and cries.
I do not know what it is about women....why do we allow ourselves to get lost in men? Why do we allow ourselves to lose our identity and forget who are friends are just because a man enters our world? This is why I feel that women need to be strong and confident in who they are before they allow a man to get that close to us.
We should not allow anyone who is not worth it steal our time and especially our tears.
He did all the right things in her book. He was affectionate, he got along with her friends, and he liked to take her out. When things got bad between her and her roommate he stepped in and acted like the big bad boyfriend to protect her. Not to long into their relationship when things got worst with her roommate and she was already spending every waking hour at his house they decided it would be best if she just moved in. She didn't mind at the time that he already had other roommates and lived in a complete bachelor pad.
Things were great...I think...I never really hung out with her while she was with him. She would call every now and then, but mainly she only did things with him and had to run things by him before she would commit on any plans we wanted to include her in on. Soooo annoying.
Well things eventually went south and he broke up with her. He was wishy washy at first about things after their initial talk, but eventually when they sat down again he laid it down straight that he did not want to be with her.
What else more does one woman need to hear from a man to get it through their head that he doesn't want her? How many times does a man need to act like a complete idiot for a woman to realize that he is not even worth her time?
He didn't text or call her on Valentine's Day....she seemed upset about this. I asked her why they hell would he want to do that and why the hell would she want him to do that? I mean didn't he just tell her the other day that he didn't want to be with her anymore? Shortly after she told me she looks on his facebook page and notices that some girl he knows that she was suspicious about is now single and has written something on his page.
She then proceeds into my bathroom and cries.
I do not know what it is about women....why do we allow ourselves to get lost in men? Why do we allow ourselves to lose our identity and forget who are friends are just because a man enters our world? This is why I feel that women need to be strong and confident in who they are before they allow a man to get that close to us.
We should not allow anyone who is not worth it steal our time and especially our tears.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Sanity Saving Vows
I promise not to grade myself based on whether or not I have said I do.
I know that while falling in love is great, it is not as easy as buying the right perfume/cosmetic/weight-loss product, though billions of dollars are spent trying to make me believe it is.
I won't be bummed about not getting invited to the smug married dinner club because I will be out on the town with my new fabulous single friends.
I will stop making lists of male friends with good genetic attributes who could be potential sperm donors because I'm twenty-eight and nowhere near tying the knot.
I will relish my complete liberty and my ability to join the circus in New Zealand if I see fit because I don't have to factor someone else into my decision.
I will spend more time doing things that make me feel proud of my independence and competence so that I never “need” a man but I won't beat myself up for wanting one.
I know that calling on my gay husbands to play switch-hitter when I need male stand-ins doesn't exactly help my case of seeming available.
When I get really down about being alone, I will remember that the first 120 days of a new relationship are full of lust, excitement, and sweetness and I still have another 120 days to look forward to.
I realize that there are a ton of married women who would kill to be as free and breezy as I am. So for all of them, I am going to live it up and do my best to justify their jealousy.
I won't put up an inspirational poster by my desk or anything, but I will live every day as if it's my last single one.
I know that while falling in love is great, it is not as easy as buying the right perfume/cosmetic/weight-loss product, though billions of dollars are spent trying to make me believe it is.
I won't be bummed about not getting invited to the smug married dinner club because I will be out on the town with my new fabulous single friends.
I will stop making lists of male friends with good genetic attributes who could be potential sperm donors because I'm twenty-eight and nowhere near tying the knot.
I will relish my complete liberty and my ability to join the circus in New Zealand if I see fit because I don't have to factor someone else into my decision.
I will spend more time doing things that make me feel proud of my independence and competence so that I never “need” a man but I won't beat myself up for wanting one.
I know that calling on my gay husbands to play switch-hitter when I need male stand-ins doesn't exactly help my case of seeming available.
When I get really down about being alone, I will remember that the first 120 days of a new relationship are full of lust, excitement, and sweetness and I still have another 120 days to look forward to.
I realize that there are a ton of married women who would kill to be as free and breezy as I am. So for all of them, I am going to live it up and do my best to justify their jealousy.
I won't put up an inspirational poster by my desk or anything, but I will live every day as if it's my last single one.
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